As the sky
turns from black 
to blue like 
a bruise becoming 
less painful the 
lights of Denver 
fan out before 
me like the 
diamond rings worn 
by wealthy women 
cackling over their 
game of Mahjong 
telling of secrets 
belonging to others 
so is night 

I plant seeds
kernels little things 
a little wisdom 
tucked into pocket 
maybe even purse
meant to help 
coming as surprise 
when in need 
crumpled from years
of my failures 
but still useful 
down the line 
when I’m not 
here to help 
this is what 
older has always 
meant to me 
being here now 
and then then
I want for 
nothing except to 
watch him grow 

Watching warm
stir sleepily 
seeing but
maybe not 
I’m not 
even here 
he’s still 
in dream
I could 
be anybody 
to him 
this moment 
now that 
and back
to sleep 
he goes 

I lived an unsustainable 
life partly because I 
could and partly because 
I couldn’t face the 
reality that the first 
fifty or so years 
of my life had 
become which was nothing 
what’s one supposed to 
do when one wakes
up one morning and 
everything that’s known before 
is simply absolutely gone 
where do angels start
or even demons sent
to earth to bless 
or haunt and destroy 
so I set about 
laying waste to everything 
plowing my way through 
men and life without 
so much as a 
glance back and lived
a life of laughing 
chaos until that day 
when I learned not 
of my humanity oh
no for I wanted 
none of that but 
of my humility and 
that was when I 
realized how incredibly insignificant 
and unimportant and unnecessary 
I am to the 
world and the abject 
dissolution and destruction that 
had happened to me 
was happening because of 
me and it was 
then and there and 
not one moment sooner 
I knew I was 
no better than bugs 

I find myself swimming 
frequently in a pool
very few know about 
it’s there where I 
undress unashamedly for no 
one else will find 
me there it’s cool
and it is calm
and it is deep 
so deep in fact 
that no matter how 
far I dive I 
never touch the bottom 
it is I guess 
my minds very own 
treehouse a place for 
it to go and 
pretend and sometimes dream 
a place of comfort 
and of joy and 
of peace and of 
serenity a place where 
I always find myself 
having lost the same 
when I’m not swimming