“First Door On The Right! And Be Careful . . . !”

“Awe, crap . . . !”


a-crapper1

Those were the final FCC approved two words which fell from my mouth in his parent’s first floor powder room (which remains a gallery for the family’s monogrammed and sun-bleached bathroom set) a nano-second after I recognized a rising water level in the bowl.  Debris would leisurely bob and dunk as an improbable fresh water toilet tank tsunami added gallon upon gallon upon gallon of fresh water that was uplifting the residual debris which were bushwhacked by the unexpected gridlock, and now cascades down the cold, white porcelain moving across the floor like urban crawl, defiling everything in its path.

At which time I foolhardy reached for the precious, handed down through generations, hand woven and monogrammed bathroom set

a-plunger1(upon which not a single drop of moisture touched it’s surface) but has hastily been inducted into the Le Grand Corps de Craps, an esteemed pile of rags: been somethings, used to be used for, or, it had wiped his bouncy little bottom well past ten.  Now retired and living out their days as “first responders” should absorption or heat require instantaneous dispatch, each of them, whether flannel, Egyptian Cotton, or terry cloth are proud to arrive at the incident first and they all know that this or the next alarm might be their last.  But every single member of the Le Grand Corps de Craps hopes and prays that their final call isn’t a clogged toilet.  After all, who wants their coup de grace to be wiping up someone else’s crap.

a-hellokitty

Simple Square Box and Coasters

image I’m pleased to share my latest woodworking project, aptly named Simple Square Box and Coasters.  The commission originally asked for a simple slap-together wooden box in which he could place a necklace he purchased for his niece as a Christmas present.  So the slap-together wooden box would be tossed into the same heap of recently bloomed ribbons of nylon and a pile-up of ripped and twisted wrapping paper resembling a fog-induced tangle of abstract alloy.  Really, who remembers the wrapping paper of a long-forgotten gift they received at an indiscriminate holiday, the exception being gifts which modify destiny such as an engagement ring, new car, or divorce papers.  But I couldn’t imageshake the thought; an insignificant wooden coffer hand-crafted to exact dimensions whose sole purpose rose no higher than the oft ignored cardboard box, one of millions prefabricated generic boxes produced by manufacturers. Yet this box really should´ve been seen as the first part of her gift, but instead was just another obstacle to obliterate in a doggedly pursuit of the delightful bauble inside.  And after a few perfunctory refined and delightful “thank you’s,” the delicate bauble was distractedly deposited into her motherCoasters on Display´s cupped hands.  Her mother  placed the bauble (whose importance continued to nose-dive like the stock exchange in 1929) among other gifts.  And the slap-together box had been exiled to the paper mountain, and eventually would be crushed by the insensitive jaws of an indiscriminate refuse collector. Had I blithely reached into my pile of left-over lumber and found a throw-away board I suppose the box would experience a fate very similar to the one above.  However, a particular piece of Poplar caught my eye because of its deliciously creamy base color and like a dried riverbed, a thick, malted-milk brown ran the length of the board which was absent of blemishes, gouges, chips, and knots, a cappuccino’s foam decorated by a creative barista; or, the faintly dusting of heat transforming the peaks of whipped meringue from snow-covered to densely charred remnants of a serial forestimage fire.  I held the six-foot board respectfully in my hands, looked for cupping or warping at its ends like a sharpshooter whose focus remained on his target.  I found the board to be true then placed it on the workbench to calculate the cuts. That’s when it began. I can’t find words to describe it, but it was like balance on a bicycle: no one handed you a ball of balance, you simply had balance.  My experience with that board couldn’t be taught or handed down.  It wasn’t an indicator of mania.  It was simply, to respect the trees life in the differing colors of its rings.  Those rings identified that tree like fingerprints identify people.  And yet it was more:  I felt a growing sensitivity and responsibility to work with the lumber to create an object of beauty.  The longer I listened to the sensitivity of the wood, the greater my awareness of the woods signature became.  It was then that I worked with the wood, and so did the wood with me.

Humphrey Tales: All Manor of Cat at Downy Birch (the Foreword)

The stories you’re about to read took place in a town very much like your own.  And the streets, and the gardens, and the two-footed, unusually tall, disturbingly loud, rambunctious then ravenous, warm-lapped for napping human‘s (as I’ve heard them called) are all, coincidently, similar to your’s in your town.  With one very distinct difference:  In Cricklade, a marvelous miracle occurred.  Humphrey was born.

Humphrey has an unusual talent, even beyond the mystical reputation of Jellicoe Cats (tuxedo or black-on-white Cats).  Humphrey has the blessing of serendipity, cousin to the enormously influential Providence, under whose influence Humphrey was born at the musty corner of a dank basement.

Borne into the Royal Order of One, Humphrey’s FemmeFeline (that is, his birth feline), was an orphan herself.  She’d been abandoned in a bus line repair shop, so that the nameless mother might survive that bitterly brutal winter.  Humphrey’s mother, just another anonymous female, it is rumored, had the kind of litter which occurs only once in every 62,835 litters brought into this village every decade: The litter came to be known simply as The One Litter.

This fortuity often delivered hope to all cats;  The One Litter brought one Tom Cat predestined to a higher standard, and the true spirit of feline friendship, duty, and allegiance to whomever discovers Tom Cat, The Litter of One.

The talent Humphrey possesses is the ability to communicate with whomever rescues him from oblivion after being orphaned by his nameless mother.  This human will give Tom Cat his true Jellicoe Name (as communicated to him by the kitten he just found).  And everyone that meets Humphrey will think it is the perfect name (which it is).

These are the adventures of Humphrey, the cat of Downy Birch Manor and his Great Purpose?  To dethrone the Mongrel Canine and the moniker “Man’s Best Friend,” thus returning to all felines the righteous mantel and distinctive title designated by a human clan: He’s-Part-of-The-Family and with that moniker comes the Fireside-Favorite-of-the-Four-Footed-Feline, in the case of Downy Birch, an age old Hearth Braided Rug.

 

One More . . .

3-One

5-One

1-One15-One

One more trip to the doctor.

One more admission of humiliating symptoms.

One more physician‘s persevering uncertainty.

One more hunch about drugs even after repeated failures of 6 week trials.

One more hopeful bottle of toxins to ingest.

One more set of side-effects to endure.

One more crippling debility: Illness’s strong swing of a sharp ax into the pulp of my dignity cutting deeply.

One more intentional assault leaving me with a staggering and teetering propriety.

One more debility before I’m disqualified from sovereignty; stripped of my liberty, freedom, and independence, my self-reliant character reverts to childhood, a time of absolute dependence for survival.

One more obedient abdication of my extinct identities and forthcoming dog’s age.

One more no more.

 

“Hopeless Ness” and the Lass “Chance” (a recent chat) for marsh d.

atextingThis is an excerpt from a longer conversation with my cousin who’s been living with chronic pain and fibromyalgia.  This excerpt was of particular significance because it was answering an unasked question which was hidden “between the lines” regarding hopelessness.  If one is faced with 20 years of chronic pain, immobility, mood swings, etc. AND loss of hope what might their next stop be named?

Or is it the end of the line?

LUCY

Hello T. M. . . .,

I’m worried about you. You wrote a great post on hopelessness, are you feeling hopeless?

How can I help….I’m a good listener. You’ve poured your heart out onto the pages, you’ve been through a lot in your life and every one of those memories makes changes in the way our central nervous system functions and in the way the brain functions.

We (all of us who are chronically ill) put a lot of hope in those little pills. Those pills are able to aid you in functioning but can’t fix what has been broken. But, there is HOPE! The hope is within you and, with the help of another human being (not another pill), you can find a sense of peace and understanding.  Then we come to acceptance…..well, that’ll be a whole ‘nother blog.

 

T. M.

Hi Lucy:        
ahopeless
I made a promise to myself when I started this blog that I would be honest in my writing without sounding pitiful. I believe honesty transcends our diversity and therefore many can relate. The problem I have is that I suffer from untreatable maladies (brain, heart) and have recently been plagued by severe shooting pain in my lower and upper right side of my back, sciatica on my left leg, and most recently pain and weakness in my lower right leg. I was compromised with untreatable long-term illness, but then add these perpetual pains and immobility (I’ve been in pain every single day for 10 months): I take a cocktail of pain relief and muscle relaxants which work somewhat, but gastric bypass changes everything. Pardon my expression, but I feel like I’m all fucked up, none of my doctors seem to have the answers, and I am virtually homebound and use a small 3-wheeled walker to move around the house (which I’ll give to Rick when I’m finished with it). It’s almost impossible to have hope when you take stock of your life and all you see is lunacy, suffocation or heart attack, and constant and crippling pain. I’ve asked myself, “Am I really alive? Is this 24 hour ticktock simply doing time for a crime I didn’t commit? The only thing I look forward to is writing my blog. If only I could discover pain relief.

LUCY

I’m so sorry about your back pain….I have been through terrible sciatic pain and understand completely what you’re describing. It IS hard to abackpainhave hope!  What you’re describing is what everyone with fibro describes……many lose hope. Without hope, you have nothing. I was at that point at one time, too and made a plan to commit suicide. All seemed hopeless and I didn’t want to live a life of pain. i threw myself into research and coming to understand what was happening inside of me. I’m still coming to understand what’s happening…..researchers are still trying to come to understand what’s happening.  For 40 years, I went to the doctor, described my problem….he did tests, which all came back as normal. As long as the tests came back normal, there wasn’t a real problem. Thousands of people have gone through this same thing….test after test and all is normal. I was turned away and humiliated by a few specialists who didn’t believe me….no one would believe me. The doctors were trained in medical school that when someone like me comes in….to disregard the complaints….it’s all in her head and she’s making it up to get attention. Talk about losing hope!!!!!
Dr. Oz actually did a show on this a few months back and he admitted this is how the medical field has been trained …..to not take seriously any pain that can’t be diagnosed on a test. And, he admitted that he felt this way, too…..until just 2 years ago. Now, he has come to understand more of what’s actually going on inside of us. I am not alone.

Facebook has been like a miracle for me because I have found all of these other people just like me who have suffered for forty years and discounted, too. There are thousands and thousands of people all over the world who are suffering. The medical profession doesn’t know what to do with things they can’t see on a test!!  You have terrible pain in your back…..surely they must be able to see this pain on a scan. But, no….they won’t see it unless you have a herniated disc, that they can see. That, they can do something about because they can see it.

T. M.

I used to volunteer at The National Runaway Switchboard as a “liner” (the person who answers the call. I decided to continue until my problems surpassed those of the caller. Well, I stopped when Rick got sick and haven’t been back since. I could deal with the long-term illnesses if I could just shake the pain.

LUCY

I have learned so much. I went off on my own and spent a fortune on alternative therapy and a Fibro Specialist that wasn’t covered on my insurance plan. I had to drive 12 hours one way to get to see him….talk about desperate!! But, he helped me gain a semblance of a life back. alternative medicineIt was worth every penny.

What I’m trying to say is this….the doctors don’t have all the answers. In fact, they don’t have many of the answers. There is much more you can do to help alleviate the pain.

One thing I suggest is seeing a Pain Specialist. Jeff has been suffering with debilitating sciatic pain for some time. He couldn’t walk without his walker. He was losing hope.

He went to see the pain specialist who injected the spine…….because the injections helped somewhat, the doctor knew that a more radical treatment would work. He did the treatment on his sciatic nerve and it was a MIRACLE. He was able to walk, to stand up straight and to begin to enjoy life again.

Just the value of having one other person understand what you’re going through and to be able to relate with compassion and empathy is very healing.  I’ve seen it again and again as I talk to people. They all say it . . . empathy, simple compassion for another’s suffering.