I have always said 
what was needed to 
but this place has 
never been a comfort 
to say what’s needed 
requires tremendous empathy mixed 
with humility mixed with 
compassion respect and conviction 
it’s a terrible place 
the apex between sin
and redemption between darkness 
and reconciliation a place
where angels and demons 
frequently barter for souls 
and I their broker

Today I disappear 
the last leaf
last salty seashore 
getaway last lakeside 
sunset now it’s 
nothing but muddling 
muddle through this 
muddle through that
checkers and chess
pieces through motions 
ghosts and goblins 
side by side 
all pretending that 
this is life 

This heart when young
was but a balloon
filled with air and 
all sorts of frivolity 
fresh flowers and flavors 
a very welcome place 
but now it’s fallen 
more of an anchor 
and an afterthought than 
an opportunity its copper
glaze has guiltily turned 
and taken on tarnish
tainted tinted and tasteless 
its windows shuttered and 
doors locked keeping out 
or rather keeping in
the only one found 
to be resident there 

And like a drop
from somewhere cloud unseen 
the little drip gave 
me hope of more
but none ever came 
and the one that 
landed upon my shirt 
quickly disappeared going back 
from whence it came 
I must find this 
whence for it must 
contain all the things 
that never came here

I’m the rubber 
duck which once
brought so much 
fun but now
takes on water 
making it sink
no longer buoyant 
playful and bobbing
about I quietly 
disappear in sight