The bottom line 
is simply this 
I can easier 
avoid falling again 
than I can 
being pushed from 
the dizzying heights 
of my expectations 

I see the 
last bit of 
sun bouncing off
wall and onto
vase making it 
burn a bright
orange and then 
gray like day
is giving way 
to the ash 
of nights stay
and gone away 

I am not 
what you lost
but I am 
what I found 
and in looking 
I have seen 
many more things 
than just what 
might have been 

A dusty bell
heard from some
far off place 
rings in hushed
dull tones barely 
audible but steady 
I’m still here
a steady ache 
long ago gotten 
and used to
that now’s become 
just a part 
of everyday life 

I don’t 
expect nor
hope for 
there to 
ever be 
for tagging 
along behind 
like some 
baby brother 
wanting to 
join the 
big boys 
comes letdown 
kicking stones 
feigning naivety