And this
the start
of holidays 
always brings 
my life 
into focus 
as though 
the world 
itself sees
everything I 
have lost 
under microscope 
and me
dodging like 
a freshly 
pinned butterfly
wishing to 
just fly 

I do
miss you 
not you 
I know 
but you 
I knew 
long before 
and this 
haunts me 
making wonder 
if I 
saw when 
you strayed
off of 
the path 
into woods
and alone 
did I
know then
did you 
making wonder 

Oh of course 
wouldn’t you know 
it on came
that one song 
which took me 
back to the 
place I never 
wanted to go 
thinking about you 
and you know 
who you are 
and where I
mean yeah there
here’s the thing 
I may not 
be able to 
control the music 
but I’ve learned 
that I sure
as hell can 
control my heart 
music play away 
and you’ll stay
away as well 

And so yesterday 
I stumbled across 
a recent photograph 
on social media 
of a home 
that used to 
be ours and 
which now is
a house belonging
to him only
it looks familiar
that house though
now it's just
some random thing
lifeless standing there
no longer breathing
or pumping with
what once was
the very essence
of our life
funny how photographs
capture certain things
and miss many
others namely love

Even before this 
before this before 
I knew what 
so I thought 
but now this 
before before this 
I realized that 
I didn’t know 
because this before 
before this happened 
all the other 
befores were practice
for this before