Loving Men-Growth

I moved from Chicago to escape what I left: Annihilation.

parisjoidevieI flew to Paris to begin to discover who I really was. I turned my back  on my home, friends and family. I left a 32 year relationship smoldering in embers that once held monogamy, a precious dog, and a loving husband.

Everything was gone.

In Paris I found a lover for three weeks. We were inseparable (unlike now). I saw very beardedlittle of Paris, but saw the generosity of my Parisian. I knew my time was up when our relationship was bordering on burden. My presence was no longer simple. No, the relationship began to dovetail into daily routines. It was becoming burdensome: accommodations, schedules, money.

Everything was gone.

In Charlotte I thought I would find warm weather with sunny skies. I thought I’d be able to penetrate the gay sub-culture, but was sadly mistaken. Charlotte doesn’t have a gay sub-culture. Instead they have thousands of isolated gay men tethered to the social scene by social media apps and a few bars in not-so-desireable parts of town.

Everything was gone.

Until I met Rodrigo. We met on a social app but were intent on being friends. That’s menheadonchestwhere our relationship was tethered. And there it remains, two of us moored together adrift in the non-existent gay sub-culture. But we’ve burrowed down and created our own, fully expressed gay sub-culture. As I write this, Rodrigo is sitting next to me on the sofa, thighs touching, while Rodrigo has laid his head on my shoulder and naps like a friendly feline.

Everything is perfect.

Loving Men-Having It

When you look for It you’ll never find It.

There are many things that I’ve looked for in my life: Success, fame, love, etc. Some of these I’ve achieved but alas, they are all fleeting. They slip through my fingers like sand or oil.

I’ve learned that looking for these things, especially It, is a futile endeavor. These things are assigned or given by others.

Rodrigo and I have It; I know you know what It is. It’s not love alone. It is comfort, security, compassion, trust, courage, and humility. We discovered it naturally, slowly, through an ongoing friendship.

We’ve talked about Having It when we suddenly realized we had It. It was a surprise when we finally realized that our friendship had finally evolved into It.

When I stopped looking for It, It appeared.

So maybe, just maybe, if we stop looking for It, or success or fame, and maybe these things will be given or discovered from another.

Discovering that Rodrigo and I have It gives to me a feeling of comfort. I hope that everyone has the beauty of discovering It with someone.