This morning I became an ass. Not to be confused with the ogre’s now infamous sidekick, but an actual ass. As in asshole. I did something that I now regret with the whole of my heart. This morning I made my beloved Artem cry. I made him cry because my insecurity caused a quarrel. It caused a man-fight.
A man-fight is an argument between two men that never stoops to the physical destruction of another. Our man-fights never cause any physical bruising or broken bones. They do cause a tremendous degree of collateral damage. They place a tremendous degree of angst on broken hearts and push the whole of sidelined poker chips with an “all-in” call. “Show ’em,” we’re saying, “I think you’re bluffing.”
But neither one of us is bluffing. And neither one of us is holding cards up a sleeve. Man-fights are raw, unadulterated, impassioned battles. They’re emotional powder kegs blatantly placed beneath a munition depot. They’re horrendous volleys of scarring cannonballs across the bows of our emotional ships.
And yet they never stoop to any physical harm. You see, when we have man-fights we fight because we’re in love. We’re fighting for love; on behalf of love; in honor of love.
Aren’t we, Artem.
How do you step into the unknown in order to better yourself? Why can’t you free yourself from the subjugation of bad relationships or jobs or family? What would it take to be the person you’re meant to be and to follow the path ordained by your Creator? To fall in love and be in love with others unconditionally?
You can either pull to the side of the road during a blizzard, keep the engine running, and wait until the blizzard stops. Or you can stay your course even though you’re frightened by the hypnotic dancing of snowflakes swirling about your car, yet peaceful in the knowledge that you will eventually arrive home.
Is driving in a blizzard comfortable? No. But isn’t it better to step into the invisibility of your future than to pull to the side of the road of complacency?
Blessed are those that risk their lives to step forward into the future, for they will turn back to others left behind and beckon them forward.
Leaders spend the better part of their lives alone because they have been freed from the pack and illuminate an otherwise darkened future.
Which one will you promise your self to be?
My former partner and I stopped sleeping in the same bed decades ago and eventually the same room, and finally to floors below each other. Just what turned me out like a pandering witch from the master bedroom is uncertain. As I recall, it was due to the fact that I was heavier and his night time ritual felt like those hapless supernumeraries holding on to any edge on the Titanic as the transatlantic behemoth lifted out of the water after it broke in half and plunged headlong into the icy depths.
Further, he added, that he often felt that as though he kept log rolling throughout the night and onto my Shrek-like form. When you think about it, there are worse things than falling into the doughy, green puffs of an ogre! Another reason was our sleep schedules: I went to sleep earlier and rose earlier; he went to bed later and rose later. And finally, it was simply because we kept each other awake whether it snoring, tossing or turning.
But what was it really? Was it really a distress signal like that telegraph on the bridge of the Titanic? Or did we find that the bedroom was not a place where we were compatible? Whatever the reason I’m sure it shook the foundation of our already quaking relationship.
According to the September 2017 issue of GQ Magazine, Jeff Vrabel writes, “In fact, one study says that 40 percent of adult couples have already sleep-divorced.”
Gee Jeff, which study is that? Obviously, it’s a study that panders to a particular population that is sleep-divorced. Oh, and just because 40 percent is, it also means that 60 percent isn’t!
Well, Abram and I aren’t. We drift slowly and quietly asleep like the snow that swirls around pines in the vast wilderness of British Columbia. When we toss and turn we’re like boats moored to docks. And when we snore we’re like two men that love loving the other.
I’m wholly disinterested in disengaging myself from Abram’s arms for any reason. And especially when night bathes our eyes in the twilight.