Loving Men-Pup

10/02/2017 ~ Harlan Didrickson

His name is Matthew, but I call him Pup.

Partly because he reminds me of a Rhodesian Ridgeback, and partly because he’s younger than I.

“What should I write about today, Pup?” I asked while he drove me through the streets of Charlotte.

“I don’t know,” Pup said, “you’re the writer.”

Today, Pup and I met for lunch at an outdoor pizzeria across a busy intersection from the coffee house in which he works part-time as a barista. It was a beautiful day in Charlotte. Not too warm, with a gentle breeze.

We developed a wonderful cadence; an ease of conversation; the give and take of interest. The only quiet spots arose when a question was posed that required a thoughtful answer.

After pizza, we went across the street to the coffee house. Pup ordered me a double espresso. “How’d you know I liked double espresso?” I asked him.

“Because you said it at lunch,” he answered.

“Really? I mean, really, you listened?” I asked surprised.

“Of course I was listening,” he replied quietly, “What did you think I was doing during lunch?”

Following, Pup and I climbed into his car and drove around Charlotte. Pup pointed out gentrified areas, tony areas. I felt such an ease around him. When I would get pensive and stare out the window, Pup would prompt “What’re you thinking about?”

“Oh, I’m just far away, Pup,” I answered.

“From me?” he asked.

Turning to face him, watching him drive, I placed my hand comfortably on his thigh, “Oh no, Pup, not you. I’m very close to you.”

Loving Men-Transparency

10/01/2017 ~ Harlan Didrickson

When one is transparent, nothing stands between you and another.

I practice transparency daily. It is an active practice. It isn’t meditation or prayer; it doesn’t involve solitude or retreat; it isn’t reflective.

Transparency is invisible. It is the antithesis of barriers. It’s what does not come between people.

Imagine standing eighteen inches from another person. Simply standing. You are looking right into the other person’s eyes. And there’s absolutely nothing between the two you. No suspicion, no unfinished business, no questions. You’re simply standing there and swallowing the other person.

In the past, I built walls and fences and reasons why I couldn’t be intimate with people. I placed these impediments between us to safeguard myself. And it worked. I distanced people. I protected myself. I was as insulated as a cold water pipe.

And alone.

The other day I met Pup. Pup lives in Charlotte. We exchanged two simple phrases, and then I lobbed my telephone number and asked him to call me.

Five hours later we were talking on the phone. With tremendous ease and humor; with nothing in between us but five short miles. Pup called a mystery man out of curiosity. And like children in sandboxes, we played, entertaining our curiosities with laughter and silences.

“I like how you use the word ‘lover’ to describe your lovers,” Pup said to me last night. “You don’t talk like other people,” he admitted quietly.

“It’s like there’s nothing between us,” he said.

Indeed, Pup. Indeed.

Loving Men-White Lies

10/01/2017 ~ Harlan Didrickson

There is no such thing as a white lie.

Why do we perpetuate the lie that a white lie is any less devastating than a gray lie or a black lie? And just what is a white lie anyway? Is it a menial lie? An itsy-bitsy lie? Why do we even parse lies? A lie is a lie. Whether it’s as small as an amoeba or as large as an elephant.

I have spent the entire day trying to bring my scattered thoughts together. But it’s been as impossible as herding cats. Or better, my thoughts are scattered around the solar system like space junk.

I often try to write about something that impacted me that day. Sure, I’ve had impacts today, four of them to be exact. Four great telephone conversations with four different men: Two in Charlotte, one in Chicago, and one in Buenos Aires.

I guess the most troubling realization I gleaned from these conversations was how desperately men want truthfulness. All the men I talked with agreed on the same thing: Men lie.

Why?

What do we think we gain by lying? All lying does is perpetuate an illusion. We lie because we don’t want to admit collusion. We’re afraid of reprisal, of denial, of persecution. So we lie.

If everyone spent just one day being truthful, don’t you think that the many, many, many problems our world faces might be actually be solved?

When you speak the truth you will achieve clarity, humility, courage, life, and peace.

What a wonderful world that will be.

Loving Men-Icon

09/28/201709/28/2017 ~ Harlan Didrickson

If you’re going to dream, dream big.

Yesterday, when I finally decided on the trajectory of my future, I also promised myself that anything less than an enormous future just wouldn’t do!

I decided that my apartment in Chicago would be envious. To me. I wanted to envy hancock where I lived. I wanted to live in an icon. And in Chicago, there’s no greater icon than the Hancock Tower. I mean, you don’t even need to give anyone, and I mean anyone, the address. All you need to say is the Hancock Tower.

It shares the skyline with it’s older brother, the Sears Tower, and it’s evil step-brother, Trump Tower. All three were born to the same design firm, Skidmore, Owings & Merrill LLP, and for which I worked for eleven years.

Today, I instructed my broker to negotiate my lease for my apartment on the fiftieth floor overlooking Lake Michigan and Navy Pier. I will have unfettered eastern views from my furnished apartment. It’s absolutely breathtaking. Both my living room and bedroom face east so the sun will shine each day on my 1,000 square foot birdhouse.

Only birds and angels will see what I will see.

Heavenly.

A Child’s Meditation

09/11/2017 ~ Harlan Didrickson

Hello, everyone. My name is Harlan and I’m going to lead you in a meditation.

Meditation is simply a way to relax your mind. Your mind is always thinking, even if you’re not thinking of thinking. Your mind is never really at rest unless it is told to be at rest. So, what I’d like you to do is to follow me, because I want to put your mind at rest.

But don’t worry, just because your mind might not be thinking, there are things we cannot silence. We cannot silence our mind to stop telling our lungs to breathe or our heart to pound. But through meditation, we can ask our lungs and heart to slow, which provides us relaxation. Relaxation is something that benefits our bodies and our minds.

There’s nothing to fear in meditation. Meditation is like prayer. There’s nothing to see; nothing to hear; there’s no success; and, there’s no failure. Nothing will happen to you. I promise, nothing. The only thing that may happen is that you may feel calm. Calm like a pond; calm like sleep; calm like a windless wind.

If there are no questions, let’s begin.

I’d like you to close your eyes. If you’re frightened, then keep your eyes open, but bow your head to your lap. I want you to listen to my voice. Try your best to listen to my voice and my voice only. Try to let go of your own voice; that voice you hear all day long; that voice that tries to tell you what to do. Say to that voice: “Goodnight voice, I don’t need you now.” Try repeating it to yourself; it’s okay to say it aloud because sometimes that little voice doesn’t listen very well. Just repeat it to yourself or aloud quietly. Simply say, “Goodnight voice, I don’t need you now. Goodnight voice, I don’t need you now. Goodnight voice, I don’t need you now.”

Soon all you’ll hear are your own words, “Goodnight voice, I don’t need you now. Goodnight voice, I don’t need you now.”

I’ll give you a few more seconds to finish your conversation with your voice. Remember, there’s nothing to fear; there’s no right way or wrong way; no one’s looking at you; no one’s doing anything wrong. Whatever you’re thinking or hearing or feeling is the perfect place for you to be. Simply listen to my voice and say goodnight to your own voice. Simply listen to my voice. My voice. Listen to my voice.

If you feel sleepy, just listen to my voice. Sleepy is okay. But I’m not asking for sleep. Your voice is asking you to be sleepy. If you’re sleepy, simply say, “Goodnight voice, I don’t need you now.”

I want you to think of a place. It could be any place. But I’m thinking of a particular place. I’m thinking of a place that’s warm and sunny and quiet. Any place is okay to think about, but maybe when you tire of anyplace you can think of some place. I’d like you to think of some place. This place is warm and sunny and quiet. Maybe it’s filled with sand or water or mountains. Whichever place you see is exactly the place I want you to be. See that place. Feel that place. Smell that place. Do you see the water or the sand or the mountains? Just see some place, a place that you see is what’s important. It doesn’t have to be a place you’ve been. Just a place. Some place. Some place you can see. It’s a pretty place, a peaceful place, a place that you like.

Now that you see this place I want you to take a deep breath in and blow it out. Breathe in and blow out. Perfect. Now, while looking at your place, I want you to breathe in slowly through your nose and breathe out through your open mouth. Don’t worry, you won’t snore. Breathe in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth. Breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. Breathing this way helps us to bathe our lungs in oxygen. Oxygen helps our whole body. Breathing like this brings lots of air into our lungs and keeps it there which helps us to relax. Oxygen is food for your body.

Breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. In and out. In and out.

Now go back to your place. That’s right, the place that you saw before. Do you see that place? If not, simply see another place. It’s the place that’s important, it’s that you see it. Don’t try, just see. Do the same as you do when swimming: Open your imagination’s eyes and see beyond your eyes. Your imagination doesn’t wear glasses. Does it? That’s a little silly, isn’t? It’s okay to laugh. Your imagination loves to laugh. An imagination wearing glasses! That is funny, isn’t it?

Let’s stay in this place for awhile. I simply want you to see this place, its beauty, its peace. I want you to spend time there. This isn’t any place or even some place. This is your place. Any place you choose is your place. See it, feel it; breathe in and out; breathe in and out; slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth; in through your nose and out through your mouth.

Let’s stay here for a little while.

Now it’s time to go back. I want you to say goodbye to your place. Don’t be sad because your place is your place. It’s in your heart and in your imagination. No one else can see it, only you can see it. It’s your secret place. It’s a place you can go whenever you like. You can return every day and every night. I go to my place many times a day. My place is a place I honor. I go to my place whenever every other place upsets me. My place, like your place, is a place of calm. I sometimes think of it as a hiding place.

But it’s time to go back now. I want you to say goodbye to your place and slowly come back to this place. Just follow my voice as I lead you back. Please come back now. Once you’re back, you can open your eyes or lift your head.

Welcome back . . .