If I’m forced
to remember you 
I’m going to 
remember you the
way that you 
were and not 
as you are 
like the cabin
up north when 
I was a
child bigger than 
life and holding 
my wildest dreams 
and not like 
it is now
some old shanty
with nothing to 
say but sold

Sometimes even 
I feel 
lonely oh
I know 
I’ve heard 
it before 
not you 
yes I 
sometimes I
I do 
having never 
said those 
two words 
to someone 
special before 

I have always said 
what was needed to 
but this place has 
never been a comfort 
to say what’s needed 
requires tremendous empathy mixed 
with humility mixed with 
compassion respect and conviction 
it’s a terrible place 
the apex between sin
and redemption between darkness 
and reconciliation a place
where angels and demons 
frequently barter for souls 
and I their broker

Today I disappear 
the last leaf
last salty seashore 
getaway last lakeside 
sunset now it’s 
nothing but muddling 
muddle through this 
muddle through that
checkers and chess
pieces through motions 
ghosts and goblins 
side by side 
all pretending that 
this is life 

This heart when young
was but a balloon
filled with air and 
all sorts of frivolity 
fresh flowers and flavors 
a very welcome place 
but now it’s fallen 
more of an anchor 
and an afterthought than 
an opportunity its copper
glaze has guiltily turned 
and taken on tarnish
tainted tinted and tasteless 
its windows shuttered and 
doors locked keeping out 
or rather keeping in
the only one found 
to be resident there