I will not 
love again one 
but rather all
for one rarely 
ever desires but 
all always deserves 

I can’t quite 
decide whether being 
gay or human 
has brought this 
heartbreak to me 
life promised things 
that all but 
soured starting out 
sweet and creamy 
that over time 
curdled into clumps 
I can abandon 
my attraction and 
whom to love 
but how does 
one abandon humanity 
I guess then
that one is 
always the other 
and that both
are the same 

I am 
the field 
just sowed
awaiting rain 
and sun

the boy
just man
yearning for 
love’s desires 

the husband 
just human 
beseeching affection 
forgoing forgiveness 

and finally 
just finding 
that death
brings field 
its fall

Accepting is
not ignoring 
any more 
than accept 
is ignore
or even 
acceptance ignorance 
to accept 
is to
absorb absolute 
whereas to 
ignore is
to avoid 
and annul
absent reason 

I don’t 
expect to 
having once 
but maybe 
I miss 
remembering making 
be they
love or 
even memory
for now 
nothing does 
turning lake 
to marsh
to prairie 
to dune 
some things 
dry up