I lived an unsustainable 
life partly because I 
could and partly because 
I couldn’t face the 
reality that the first 
fifty or so years 
of my life had 
become which was nothing 
what’s one supposed to 
do when one wakes
up one morning and 
everything that’s known before 
is simply absolutely gone 
where do angels start
or even demons sent
to earth to bless 
or haunt and destroy 
so I set about 
laying waste to everything 
plowing my way through 
men and life without 
so much as a 
glance back and lived
a life of laughing 
chaos until that day 
when I learned not 
of my humanity oh
no for I wanted 
none of that but 
of my humility and 
that was when I 
realized how incredibly insignificant 
and unimportant and unnecessary 
I am to the 
world and the abject 
dissolution and destruction that 
had happened to me 
was happening because of 
me and it was 
then and there and 
not one moment sooner 
I knew I was 
no better than bugs 

I find myself swimming 
frequently in a pool
very few know about 
it’s there where I 
undress unashamedly for no 
one else will find 
me there it’s cool
and it is calm
and it is deep 
so deep in fact 
that no matter how 
far I dive I 
never touch the bottom 
it is I guess 
my minds very own 
treehouse a place for 
it to go and 
pretend and sometimes dream 
a place of comfort 
and of joy and 
of peace and of 
serenity a place where 
I always find myself 
having lost the same 
when I’m not swimming 

Of all the people 
in all the world 
through all the years 
there was just one 
who I wished would 
walk through my door 
again and he did 
miracles happen and dreams 
do sometimes come true 
so never stop hoping 
or believing or trusting 
that there’s more to 
this life and happiness 
thing than we know 

And he’s gone 
but not forgotten 
back to life
me to mine 
his is busy
mine not much
he still has 
fights to fight 
whereas I simply 
quietly remember mine 
he brings excitement 
I bring peace 
salt and pepper 
bread and butter 
ketchup and mustard 
what we are
delicious standing alone 
scrumptious when combined 

It’s only 
the one 
who when 
absent their 
memory smiles
and you 
do too