when we
kiss
your eyes
get lazy
like cats
or the sliver
of moon
when we
kiss
your lips
get moist
like sponges
or succulent
fruits or flowers
when at last we
kiss
you become
weak
like blossom
heavy
bouquets.
Category: Growing Up
Loving Men-Growth
I moved from Chicago to escape what I left: Annihilation.
I flew to Paris to begin to discover who I really was. I turned my back on my home, friends and family. I left a 32 year relationship smoldering in embers that once held monogamy, a precious dog, and a loving husband.
Everything was gone.
In Paris I found a lover for three weeks. We were inseparable (unlike now). I saw very 
little of Paris, but saw the generosity of my Parisian. I knew my time was up when our relationship was bordering on burden. My presence was no longer simple. No, the relationship began to dovetail into daily routines. It was becoming burdensome: accommodations, schedules, money.
Everything was gone.
In Charlotte I thought I would find warm weather with sunny skies. I thought I’d be able to penetrate the gay sub-culture, but was sadly mistaken. Charlotte doesn’t have a gay sub-culture. Instead they have thousands of isolated gay men tethered to the social scene by social media apps and a few bars in not-so-desireable parts of town.
Everything was gone.
Until I met Rodrigo. We met on a social app but were intent on being friends. That’s 
where our relationship was tethered. And there it remains, two of us moored together adrift in the non-existent gay sub-culture. But we’ve burrowed down and created our own, fully expressed gay sub-culture. As I write this, Rodrigo is sitting next to me on the sofa, thighs touching, while Rodrigo has laid his head on my shoulder and naps like a friendly feline.
Everything is perfect.
Water’s Edge
It’s at the water’s edge
that I see you
as the river sees you
a rippling reflection
waves your dense hair
and curls your smile.
It’s at the water’s edge
that I feel you
knee deep in splashing
cool water
breezes produce
gooseflesh.
It’s at the water’s edge
that I lost you
you running away
from us
isolation causes
ripples
Loving Men-Having It
When you look for It you’ll never find It.
There are many things that I’ve looked for in my life: Success, fame, love, etc. Some of these I’ve achieved but alas, they are all fleeting. They slip through my fingers like sand or oil.
I’ve learned that looking for these things, especially It, is a futile endeavor. These things are assigned or given by others.
Rodrigo and I have It; I know you know what It is. It’s not love alone. It is comfort, security, compassion, trust, courage, and humility. We discovered it naturally, slowly, through an ongoing friendship.
We’ve talked about Having It when we suddenly realized we had It. It was a surprise when we finally realized that our friendship had finally evolved into It.
When I stopped looking for It, It appeared.
So maybe, just maybe, if we stop looking for It, or success or fame, and maybe these things will be given or discovered from another.
Discovering that Rodrigo and I have It gives to me a feeling of comfort. I hope that everyone has the beauty of discovering It with someone.
Loving Men-Love
We don’t always know what we’ll find.
I fled to Paris and then to Charlotte because I didn’t know what else to do. I was manic and unmedicated and reeling from the expedited divorce from my husband of 32 years.
I’ve spent a fair amount of time trying to make sense of what happened, like an investigator picking through scraps of a crime scene. But since my ex-spouse refuses to speak to me, it’s impossible for me to interrogate him, thus leaving me with a gaping hole where reason is usually found.
When I came to Charlotte, I found a gay community that was practically impossible to infiltrate. There were men that said, emphatically, that they yearned for a lover or relationship, but when presented with one, ran for the brambles! Man after man after man.
And when I did snare one, the relationship only lasted three or four weeks.
But not with Rodrigo.
Rodrigo and I bumped into each other on the internet. Neither of us were looking for anything except friendship, and so friendship is what we pursued. And friendship is what we’ve discovered. And it’s also become the foundation of our relationship.
Yes, we’ve become more than friends, but it’s in our friendship where we find our love.
HARLAN DIDRICKSON 